The joy of family life

Your house is a zoo, literally. It’s not just the dog, the cat, the three hamsters, and the goldfish, heck, they’re downright neat compared to the human animals that inhabit your humble abode – three kids and a companion. You come home at night and all you see is mess, mess, mess. Scattered clothes everywhere, half empty glasses, plates with something sticky stuck to it, books, papers, chewed pencils, DVDs, game-boys, nothing in their place, except your children and your spouse who are everywhere in the place, doing even more. – disorder. You barely put your things down before gathering a bunch of displaced belongings and strive to restore a small measure of order to your chaotic universe.

When you sit down to dinner, you are exhausted, even more exhausted than when you came home from a tiring day at work, and you have little desire to chat or cheer up. You barely have the energy to mutter “Use your fork, not your fingers,” “The milk is for drinking, not for making bubbles,” or “Stop giving the dog your Brussels sprouts.” Later that night, finally buried in the safety of your bedding, when your partner exhales sweet things into the crook of your neck, it’s all you can do not to scare him away, like a wandering fly.

Ah, the joys of family life. Well, they would, or could be, if you changed your focus. You see, whatever you focus on grows. You focus your full attention on everything that is wrong with your home from the moment you get home, so that’s all you see. You do not observe the glorious energy and liveliness of your children, you do not notice the welcoming smile of your partner, you do not give yourself a moment to appreciate your home, whatever its state. You see the mess, then more mess, and even more mess on top of that.

“But that’s silly,” you say, “if I don’t see the clutter, if I don’t take care of it, it will grow exponentially until it needs a snow shovel to get from the hallway from the living room to the kitchen.” In fact, if you don’t take care of it, it will get worse. But you don’t have to focus on clutter to fix it. Thats the secret.

Take a moment to hug your partner, smile at your children, and listen to their joys and sorrows of the day. Rest for a few, you deserve it. And once you’ve absorbed some of the love and enjoyment your family brings to you, ask for their help. With smiles and gratitude, ask your children to collect their belongings, ask your partner to supervise them or how best to help, and make it fun. The first to finish gets an extra half hour of TV or whatever other tempting rewards. Focus more on what your family can and does accomplish than on being the sole survivor of the collection squad.

Everything you focus on grows. The more consistently, day by day, you openly observe and appreciate all that your family does that contributes to a happy home life, the more they will want to do. The more smiles and compliments you distribute generously, the less pain and work you create for yourself.

Family life can be so enjoyable when you deliberately look for ways to enjoy it.