Strong and Healthy Marriage: Learn from Other Couples Coping with the Stress of the Economy

We can learn from the struggles of other couples. We are not alone. How do couples maintain a strong relationship in light of the stresses of the current economic downturn? Here are 4 stories we can learn from: Real life couples stories.

Story # 1: Peter and Carol, both 59, with three married children and 7 grandchildren, had planned to retire at age 60 and return to their hometown in the Midwest (they lived and worked in the Northeast). A significant portion of Peter’s 401 (k) plan was invested in his company stock, which took a heavy hit when the economy deteriorated. Peter is the more practical of the two. Carol is the emotional glue for her marriage and her extended family. To their credit, they have developed these trends into complementary strengths, which proved very helpful in recent circumstances. Peter, at first, assumed that he would continue working for another five years; but he listened effectively as Carol talked about the attraction of hometown and family. Carol, for her part, allowed Peter to expose the financial realities they faced. Brainstorming their options, they came up with the idea to consult with a financial advisor. He was able to show them how they could, with reasonable adjustments to their annual income expectations, move forward with their retirement plans. Family is a very important value to them, and they included their adult children in the decision-making process because they knew that their decision had implications for how much they could leave behind when they died. Peter and Carol have recently completed their move back to their hometown, and both work part-time in their fields of expertise, reducing the amount they withdraw annually from their accumulated assets. More importantly, they are enjoying a closer connection with family and friends and modeling a marriage that others recognize as exceptional.

Story # 2: Mark and Stacy, aged 56 and 51 respectively, were doing very well financially until the oil and gas industry collapsed in the last quarter of 2008 / first quarter of 2009. The owners of a business in this field, Suddenly they found streams drying up. Although it was not easy, given the lifestyle they had come to enjoy, they decided together to sell their main house in a southern city and downsize it to something more practical. They also sold their second home in the Colorado mountains, as well as a number of “toys” (including a corporate jet). Since Stacy was spending a good chunk of the year at the Colorado home, the unexpected upside to this decision is that Mark and Stacy now spend much more time together, and Mark has commented on how much emotional support Stacy provides with her positive attitude, her ear attentive and willing to do whatever it takes to keep them financially afloat until things change. Two of her three young adult children felt the effects of the decisions they made together. In fact, they are applying for student loans to complete their college education.

Story # 3: Rhonda and Zack allowed themselves to have some financial difficulties even before the economy deteriorated. Neither of them were particularly good with money, abusing their credit cards, building more houses than they could afford, and ending up with more than $ 40,000 in debt. With one son in college and two in high school, they could see increased financial stress on the horizon. In the spring of 2008, they took steps to put their financial house in order, under the discipline of a financial advisor. Unfortunately, their plans included a downsizing, but the value of their home in today’s market would likely put them out of equity. They have had to suspend these plans. Their collaborative decision-making led them to reach out to family and some very special friends at their church for what is, in essence, a set of interest-free (year-long) loans. They realize that they are not out of the woods, but they are learning to live within their means and are now talking more honestly and effectively about their budget and expenses.

Story # 4: A couple we have gotten to know has found the silver lining in the current economic circumstances. Micki and Craig live in a town on the west coast. Newlyweds in their early 30s, they had felt that buying a home was out of reach. Even with their combined income, they couldn’t afford a mortgage on a decent home and they didn’t want to put all their savings into a down payment. It must be recognized that both are conscientious savers and also opportunists. With housing prices falling in their market and special incentives for first-time buyers, they were able to get pre-approved for a home loan that puts home ownership within their grasp. They are currently searching. Most impressive is the way they have worked together throughout the process. They have talked about practical and emotional problems. They have comforted each other through disappointment and disappointment. They have set agreed limits on what they are willing to pay. They have collaborated on issues related to their short-term situation and long-term interests.

What you story?

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