Self-esteem: Can childhood trauma prevent someone from developing self-esteem?
Lifestyle FashionIf someone were to take a step back and reflect on when they feel good about themselves and when they don’t, they might notice a pattern. What they can begin to see is that when they receive positive feedback from others, and soon after it has happened, they feel good.
However, if they haven’t received any positive feedback from others, they can see that they feel bad. If this is the case, it will be clear that how they feel about themselves depends entirely on how others treat them.
an unstable existence
As a result of this, it will be normal for them to feel good one moment and feel bad the next. They will be like a seesaw in constant use; always moving up and down and rarely being in balance.
Going from one experience to another will be difficult enough, but what could make it even more difficult is that each side could be extremely different. Of course, each side will be different, but they could go from feeling really good to feeling really bad.
a massive change
So one is not going to feel good and then feel bad; they could feel on top of the world and then end up feeling very depressed. It could be a real shock to your system when this happens.
As soon as they feel down, they might try to find a way to receive more positive feedback from others. What they could see is that this is something that happens without them even having to think about it.
stuck on a treadmill
Being so, you can see that you have a tendency to be constantly doing things. In general, what they do will be a way to receive positive feedback from others.
This could mean that they have a need to always look a certain way, to always be working hard, and/or to be seen as popular. Whatever it is, it will mean that they will experience a fair amount of pressure.
an uncomfortable experience
If you didn’t do anything and just relax, you would end up coming into contact with a lot of painful feelings. Being a ‘doing human’ as opposed to a ‘being human’ will be what you feel comfortable with.
It will be as if they are running a race that does not end and, even if they are tired, they will not be able to stop. Or, if they stop and sit down, they will soon have to get up and continue.
A purpose
So when it comes to what you do each day, most, if not all, of what you do could be a way of receiving positive feedback from others. And while it may not matter who gives them their approval, there could be a certain type of person that they want their approval from.
Consequently, much of what they do may not bring them true satisfaction. You could say that this is to be expected, considering the fact that they will focus on pleasing others rather than pleasing themselves.
an empty container
What is clear here is that one is not going to have a sense of their own worth. In other words, they will not know deep down that they have inherent value and that this value cannot be taken away from them.
As far as their mind is concerned, they will have to continually earn their value, and therefore their value will be in the hands of others. Then other people will define whether they have value or not.
a new perspective
For as long as they can remember, they may have been like this and, throughout this time, they will have believed in their mind. But while experiencing life this way will be normal, it doesn’t mean it’s the only way.
And even though it may have seemed like your mind was telling the truth, that doesn’t mean that what it’s been saying is the truth. The truth is that there is another way and that they have inherent value.
a closer look
The reason one would not have a sense of their own worth may be due to what happened during their early years. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily basis.
This would have meant that they did not receive the love, care and attention that they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. It is true that they were born with an inherent value, but in order for them to realize this value, they would have had to have received the proper care.
the missing piece
His first birth, the physical birth, would have taken place, but his second birth, the emotional birth, would not have taken place. The result of this is that they would have been left in an underdeveloped state.
Without an understanding of why they are the way they are, they would naturally have gone to great lengths to feel better about themselves. It would have been as if there was something inherently wrong with them; in fact, there is nothing inherently wrong with them.
Awareness
Based on what they went through as children, there’s no reason why they would be any other way; in a way, they were meant to experience life this way. What they went through was not their fault or something they deserved to experience.
If one can relate to this and is ready to change their life, they may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be done with the help of a therapist or healer.