Long Distance Relationship = Long Distance Booty Call
Arts EntertainmentsHe says he is looking for a relationship. He wants to meet someone to settle down with and share his life with.
So why the heck is he dating women who don’t even live in the same state? Did you date every available woman in your state? Or even your country?
Now that internet dating is a more socially accepted norm, long distance relationships are on the rise. It’s hard enough for an established couple to move from a relationship where they can see each other often and easily to a long-distance relationship and survive. When you start a relationship from afar, it is even more difficult. So why do it in the first place? Has this notion of difficulty and added problems not caught on to men who pursue these types of relationships? You have realized? It’s one thing if you plan to move to that area in the near future, but if not, why start something that has additional risks and less of a safety net?
For scammers, hookers, gamers, and those with a commitment phobia, the long-distance relationship is a godsend. You can be whoever you want on the Internet and you can hide almost all the details of your life. A man may tell you that he lives in a 4-room house in a quiet city, works as an architect, and goes to church every Sunday. How do you know that any of that is true? Even if you sent him pictures of the house, he could have taken pictures of a friend’s house, or that house could have been his before foreclosure and now he’s back living with his mom and dad.
Do you work as an architect? How do you know it even WORKS? He may tell you that he does, but how do you know? You have to take his word for it and cross your fingers and hope he hasn’t lied to you. Someone in your family has lied to you at some point in your life, hasn’t they? Someone who you were close friends with has lied to you at some point in your life, hasn’t they? Didn’t a man in your life lie to you at least once in your life? But do you expect this person to be 100% truthful when the situation itself makes lying or hiding information so easy?
The consequences for HIM if he is lying is basically never to hear from you again. What a thing. No offense, but a great deal. He knew that at some point you would find out anyway, so he remained emotionally distant to some extent. What are the consequences for you? Do you feel betrayed? Fool? You may even have spent some money on plane tickets or gas to visit this person. Shouldn’t you take everything they say with a grain of salt? A column of salt?
By signing up for a long distance relationship, shouldn’t you be wondering what is going to happen as this “relationship” progresses? Which one of you is going to be the one to MOVE IN? You? Are you going to uproot your whole life for a relationship? What about your home, friends, family, children, work, etc.?
If you’re going to uproot all of that and risk all of that, you should run such a background check and ask for a copy of your credit report. Don’t feel bad or sneaky doing it either. This is your life that we are talking about and you have a lot to lose. You have to visit him at his place of residence (not in a hotel) and see how he lives. You should ask him to show you where he works and to meet some of his coworkers to make sure he has the job he says he does. You need to meet with their friends and family to know that THEY KNOW you exist. When you talk to your friends and family, you don’t need to talk about yourself, but about HIM. Let them know what you like about him, based on the things he said, and watch their reactions. If you tell them that you find it so exciting that I lived abroad and they look at you curiously, as if you were from Mars, you know they lied.
Protect yourself beforehand, because once you’ve put everything that matters to you at risk for this man, it’s too late and the consequences can be disastrous.
A player has done it with a long distance relationship. He may be writing the same nonsense to you and 10 other women. He may tell you that he is traveling out of state for work when he is actually spending time with another woman. He may be living with another woman for all you know! He could be married to another woman for all you know !! Did you do a background check? Why not? Has he given you his address? If so, have you sent things home? You should, and be sure to attach a cutsey-wootsey card so if a woman lives there with him, she’ll rip your face off FOR you.
Does he talk to you often at night? If he only contacts you during the day that he leaves his afternoons free to be with another woman, isn’t he? Men cheat on women they live with, who are married / engaged, how difficult do you think it is for them to cheat on a woman from another state? You can’t drive around his house, you’re not spending time AT his house, you have no way of really knowing WHAT he’s doing. You have to be more careful, more cynical, and less confident in situations like this.
And don’t give me this shit about being too negative and missing something great. The chances of it being something great are slim, the chances that you are going to fool yourself are astronomical. So if you’re going to take a chance, why can’t you do a little detective work in the name of protecting yourself?
A background check is to make sure you are not married, that you live where you say you live, that you have a criminal record, etc. That is the information you need to know. You are not reading his diary. This is public information that, if you LIVED in your city, you may find it at your county clerk’s office. So get over your guilt for not trusting him enough to run a background check on him. Trust is earned, and it can be earned with a background check that verifies that everything you say is true. Trust should NOT be earned because he writes deep and meaningful EMAILS to you or has long phone calls with you.
Now what if this person wants to move to where you are? Let me guess, he won’t get his OWN spot and then he’ll start the NORMAL process of hanging out with you and then seeing where he goes. No, most of the time you are moving into YOUR home. With YOUR things. Perhaps with YOUR children. And you still don’t think you should get a background check on him? BECAUSE ???
Sure you know his sweet side, and I’m sure he has been very nice to you, but how is he going to live with him? You won’t know until he lives with you, will you? What is it like when you are angry at someone or during a fight? You don’t know until it happens, do you? Don’t you think you should find out if you have been arrested for domestic violence or if God forbid you are a pedophile that you are inviting into YOUR home to meet your children?
Pedophiles, rapists and men who commit domestic violence do not have a scarlet letter on their chest. They don’t look like the bogeyman. They look like everyone else, come from different economic backgrounds, and have different intellectual levels. Don’t think you know what one looks like, how it acts, what it sounds like. You do not. And let’s say it’s okay, have you thought about what will happen if it doesn’t work? Will you be prepared to fuck him right away or will you let him stay because you feel guilty or sorry for him? After all, he did all of this for YOU, so how can you just kick it out?
You can and should if things get bad enough. It didn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to, and they both should have known (if they’re over 12 years old) that there was a chance (a bigger one than they wanted to believe at the time) that this wouldn’t happen. it does not work. So if it doesn’t work, get it over with ASAP and get this person out of your house.
A person with a commitment phobia has done so in a long distance relationship. There are men who really don’t want what a traditional relationship entails. They don’t want to have to see the person every week, they don’t want to have to spend every vacation with them, they don’t want to have to answer someone, they don’t want to have to say no. your friends or letting go of some of your freedom. These guys purposely get into long-distance relationships, because they can still come and go as they please, they don’t have to account to anyone for their comings and goings. They can go out with other women if they want to because their “girlfriend” doesn’t find out and the woman they’re dating can’t get them because they say “I’m sorry, I already have a girlfriend.” They can make plans with their friends because they can’t make plans with you. They have almost total freedom.
Do you want to watch the game with your friends instead of spending Sunday with you? Oh right, he can’t spend Sunday with you ANYWAY, so you can’t be mad at him. Pretty cool for him, huh? Long distance relationships should, in some cases, be called long distance booty calls. I know what you are going to say, that he writes you wonderful emails, that he talks to you on the phone all the time, blah blah blah. He’s making plans for your future, blah blah blah. Well, let me tell you a little secret: he has no intention of having a future with you. Guys who play this game have one excuse after another for not marrying you and for neither of them to move right now. When you finally get fed up and make a fit, the relationship will end and he can go find another victim.