Are you in love with a crazy manufacturer? Recognize the traits of a manipulative partner
Lifestyle Fashion“Love comes when manipulation ceases; when you think more about the other person than their reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”
~Joyce brothers
Management can take many forms. Some are aggressive and others are subtle. Manipulation basically means that I can’t get what I want directly, so I’ll get it indirectly. You can be involved with a manipulative partner and not realize it because that is the nature of manipulation. Here are some of the common behaviors to look for:
1) The “Who, me?” Cheated. Does your partner refuse to admit that they have done something wrong or hurtful? They all act innocent when the truth is that they were inappropriate in what they did. By denying that they did anything wrong, they usually set you back and maybe even make you feel guilty for accusing them of anything in the first place.
2) The stories do not match. Manipulative people are known for telling half-truths or omitting the whole truth. Beware of subtle changes in wording or versions of what happened or was said. You’ll usually notice this when you notice a friend or family member saying something to you that your partner said, but your partner told you something different.
3) Direct lies. Manipulative people will stop at nothing to get their way. His motto is usually: “Why tell the truth when a good lie is enough?”.
4) Suddenly it’s your fault. Does your partner make you feel guilty for doing or not doing something? You usually didn’t even know that they wanted you to do it or not do it in the first place. You apologize until your face is blue, but your partner refuses to accept it. Instead, they have a position that you don’t care enough about and are selfish. If you tend to be a people pleaser, this is a powerful weapon to manipulate yourself.
5) Power games. Manipulative partners are great at drawing you into an argument with the use of confrontational attacks. These attacks usually start with:
“I can’t believe you would…”
“Why do you always…”
“How could you…”
“I thought we agreed…”
You end up giving in because you just want the argument to end and shut up.
6) The Silent Treatment. This can follow a confrontational attack. Your partner closes in an angry pout to see how long it takes you to break up. They gain control because you finally confess that it was all your fault just so you can make amends and end this trench warfare. All the time you are thinking that what you did did not deserve what just happened.
7) Tension fills the room. Are your family and friends worried about your relationship with this couple? You should pay attention if these loved ones flinch when their partner’s name appears. Especially if you have always trusted what these loved ones have said in the past.
8) Break their ties. Is it easier not to spend time with your family and friends? Manipulative partners can push you to choose between them or these loved ones. If they can get you to leave your family and friends, then your partner can take on the role of the center of your universe. Now he or she can have your full attention and control will be much easier.
9) Rude behaviors. Do you feel the need to apologize for how your partner acts towards your friends and family? Do they interrupt? Are they dismissive?
10) Do you get defensive? If you find yourself getting defensive if someone questions your relationship, you may be blind to potential red flags.
11) Hiding Behind Someone Else. Does your partner make statements but pretend someone else said it? They start their statements with “Everyone thinks you…” “They said you…” If you get mad, they can simply reply “Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t say it.”
12) Plans are cancelled. You may be involved with a manipulative partner if your plans are regularly overturned to do what you want.
13) Are you possessed? Protection is noble; control is not. Is your partner excessively jealous and possessive? Do they ask how long it took you to go to the store and back? Are you intensely challenged when spending time with your friends?
14) Here we go again. Do you recognize repeated offenses of the same behavior? Maybe they burst into a terrifying rage and call you all sorts of bad names. They then apologize and say that they will never do it again. But they do.
15) Play dumb. This is a hard question to spot because everyone occasionally forgets or misunderstands. A manipulative person will be more routine with their perfunctory “I forgot” apologies. or “I didn’t realize.” “Oh, are you mad at me?” “I did not mean that”. And “she was just kidding.”
16) Techniques of distraction and diversion. A moving target is hard to hit. If you try to identify a manipulative person, they will often change the subject and before long you will forget what your initial complaint was. Once you get sidetracked, they switch to their own agenda.
17) Use of humiliations. Put-downs and sarcastic statements increase feelings of shame and self-doubt. These feelings help the manipulative person establish a sense of mastery over her. They tell you things like, “No one else will love or tolerate you.” In time you will believe it and stop resisting their behaviors.
18) Does your partner bring out the worst in you? A true and loving partner will help you give your best.
Be careful. These behaviors trickle down little by little. All of the above are warning signs. Don’t lose your sense of individuality and strength. Your relationship should build you up, not tear you down.