9 Things To Do If Someone Tries To Send You On A Guilt Trip
Lifestyle Fashion“How blunt are all the arrows in your quiver compared to those of guilt.”
~Roberto Blair
What is the definition of a guilt trip?
A guilt trip is when someone tries to make you feel guilty for thinking, feeling, or doing things a certain way. When someone tries to force you to do what they want by making you feel bad so that you give up and do what they originally wanted, they are also using guilt to achieve their goals.
1) Ignore emotional outbursts that play on your feelings. Some people use crying, yelling, sadness, and anger to get what they want. The person who finds everything unfair and falls apart is trying to win your sympathy so that he can use it to meet his own needs. Playing the role of a helpless victim can generate all kinds of emotional and financial support for someone playing the victim role. Another similar strategy is to act in a confrontational way towards someone. By arguing and demanding, they hope to intimidate you, and you may cringe from their demands because they know you don’t like to argue.
2) Pay attention to the preface. Your antenna needs to perk up when you hear statements like: If you really cared about me, you…”, “If you were more considerate, you…” “I don’t see why you can. It’s just…” You can replace your words that cause you guilt for “do what I want”. Sometimes they change it by telling you what they would never do. “I’m sure I misheard that. You would never volunteer to do that without telling me first.” They are telling you that you must execute all decisions for them first. This line of thinking is understandable if it comes from your spouse, but what if it doesn’t? Beware of people who demand your loyalty but don’t reciprocate and only care about themselves.
3) Is it better to do nothing? Instead of getting caught up in a debate, or worse, an argument, just agree with the culprit. Don’t feed into what they say, just accept or ignore it and then move on. It’s not your job to change the guilt trigger. Either they will improve their approach to learn to communicate in a positive way or they will find someone else to manipulate.
4) Enter, Exit. If the culprit tries to make statements that imply that you don’t care or that you don’t care; Give short, snappy answers that break his command instantly. For example, if the guilty traveler says, “Okay, go to the beach with all your friends while I stay here and take care of everything.” You respond with something like “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
5) Be careful if the culprit starts citing what other people would do. This manipulative strategy is designed to signal your lack of responsiveness compared to how others would act. If they say “Nancy’s children would never treat her like this.” Respond with something like “You’re probably right.” and move on to another topic or exit.
6) If You Love Me: “If you love me, would you…”. These types of statements basically say “I don’t think you love me. Prove it. Love is a manipulation tool commonly used by the guilt trigger. They make you feel like you owe them something. This approach attacks intimacy by making love conditional.” Love doesn’t need to have a bookmark.
7) Do they use illness as a means to get what they want? Some people use illness for ulterior motives. They may be trying to avoid responsibility and/or are just being lazy. They get other people to do their work. Remember that unless you’re a medical professional, you don’t need to get caught trying to diagnose them, but you also don’t have to do things you don’t want to out of guilt.
8) Keep calm. Stay calm and do your best to be nice. Be rational and try to control your emotions. Don’t explode in frustration, but stay friendly. Give nonverbal cues like shaking your head. Use your manners and stay polite. If a guilt trigger asks you to do something you don’t want to do; just say “Thanks for asking, but no.” Don’t lie, talk sarcastically, mutter under your breath, or make excuses because this will induce real guilt for your bad behavior and you’ll end up doing what you don’t want to.
9) Ask them to be more alive. Explain to the person who is feeling guilty that he may be more willing to accommodate more of his requests if he would express his wishes more directly. He may want to add that he has felt distant and resentful of the way he has behaved in the past. Expect that he will have to reinforce these efforts. These are communication patterns that have probably been around for years. Be patient and balanced. Positive efforts on your part will always help make communication better than getting irritated.