7 signs your boss is a boundary violator
BusinessEvery time your boundaries are crossed in a way that disrupts your ability to meet your needs and respect your preferences, you are experiencing a boundary violation. People violate boundaries without even knowing it. In the workplace, boundary violations happen all the time. For example, an employee has her daughter’s recital to go on Wednesday at 7pm. He explained to his boss that he had to leave at 6:30 pm sharp to be able to attend the recital. At 6:29 pm, your boss rushes into your office and tells you that he absolutely needs you to stay a bit longer to help come up with a last-minute solution to a project that is due tonight. That boss may not understand what he just did, but the employee is certainly sorry. Its limits have been violated.
Boundary violation occurs intentionally or unintentionally. The key is to notice when your limits are being violated and to address the issue immediately. The boundary violation problem takes on additional meaning when you compound the violation with a boss who consistently behaves this way. Anytime you have a manager who doesn’t respect or value your free time, your work-life and family balance needs, and doesn’t understand where your job role begins and ends (and therefore does the work of three people), you have a manager who also violates the limits. The problem with this is that, at some point, you’ll get so tired that one of three things will happen: 1) your performance drops, 2) you quit your job, or 3) you change departments or positions in an attempt to get away from your violating boss. limits. While all of these options are viable, none of them teach you how to successfully handle a boundary violator. Rest assured that you will meet these types of people in all areas of your life. Use this workplace experience as an opportunity to learn how to navigate these rocky waters.
If you’re confused about whether your boss is a boundary violator (or just expects a lot from you), here are 7 signs that your boss is, in fact, a boundary violator:
1) You have made it clear what you can and cannot do in terms of your job role, but are constantly being asked to do the tasks and take on the responsibilities that you have clearly stated that you cannot do (i.e. additional projects, weekend, etc.). Long trips, more hours, taking on additional projects when you’re already overwhelmed with the ones you have.) In this situation, it’s almost like you’re talking but your boss doesn’t really listen … or doesn’t care.
2) Your boss constantly reminds you of past mistakes you have made as a way to blame you for doing more work than is required of you (i.e. playing the blame / shame / blame game as a way of doing make you feel like you ‘owe’ your boss).
3) On the one hand, your boss praises your work but, on the other hand, he refuses to help you move up in the company. On each performance review, he / she has at least 10 reasons why you are “not ready” to move up the ranks.
4) Your boss inappropriately trusts you as a “friend” about your personal life, marital problems, and work problems and asks for your advice, putting you in an awkward position.
5) Your boss constantly waits until the last minute to ask you to “help” on projects, tasks, and committees that he could easily have asked you to participate in earlier.
6) Your boss delegates many tasks to you, but takes all the credit.
7) Your boss is disorganized when it comes to delegating responsibilities when he is on vacation, leaves early, or goes on a business trip and expects you to take charge of his non-compliance.
Those are just seven of the signs your boss is violating boundaries. If even two are present, know that it is up to you to have that boundary conversation. By setting work limits, many employees fear that if they set firm limits, they will risk losing their jobs. At the end of the day, here’s the truth: Your boss will continue to violate your limits as long as you allow him to do so. It is up to you to decide if your best option is:
1) find another job,
2) look for another position within the company,
3) have a conversation about limits or
4) just start saying no.
Only you know the exact dynamics of your department and your relationship with your boss. Trust your intuition in this case.
If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, gather your resume and cover letter and start looking elsewhere for opportunities. If you feel like your talents and gifts are being taken advantage of, you have the power to stop that today. At any time, you can request a meeting where you ask your boss to change your hours, your job role, negotiate your salary, or simply look for work elsewhere and address the boundary violation until you move to another company. But you have to do something. Whenever boundary violations continue for an extended period of time, one of two things happens: 1) the person being raped loses self-esteem, hope, and performance suffers to the point of rotation (voluntary or involuntary) or 2) the person who is raping never learns the powerful lesson that people will teach you at 200% if they know that you really care about them and take their needs into consideration. Allowing boundary violations to continue is a lose-lose situation. Don’t hold it. There is a way to create and maintain healthy boundaries in ALL areas of your life, especially at work.