6 principles of self-awareness
Arts EntertainmentsIt would be easy to keep doing what you’ve always done. Life today can be fast, busy, hectic. Rarely do we take a moment to reflect on who we are, why we do what we do, say what we say, think what we think. But without stopping to find out what moves us, we can get lost. We act out of habit, we don’t question our actions and before we know it, our lives implode and we find ourselves in the middle of a crisis.
If you are reading this and would like to live your life mindfully, here are some suggestions on how you can start the process. This article is about removing the barriers to a more informed way of life:
1. ACCEPT THE RESISTANCE
We are all resistant to something. The first thing to do when you commit to becoming more self-aware is to accept this. We become resistant when we receive information that is not consistent with what we believe to be ‘correct’. It doesn’t fit with what we’ve been told about life, or our long held beliefs. Some of you reading this will say ‘no I don’t!’ This is resistance. When you dismiss things that you hear as rubbish or wrong, you are resisting.
Resistance is so subtle that we often don’t realize we’re actually in resistance mode. When we drop our resistance, we open ourselves to hearing what is being said. When we allow ourselves to hear what is being said, we can make informed decisions about how to act, think, and what to say.
EXERCISE: ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION – WHAT AM I RESISTING?
ACTION: BECOME AWARE OF YOUR RESISTANCE
2. COMMIT TO THINK WHAT YOU THINK
Few of us think what we think. We behave impulsively, we speak impulsively. We think without thinking. Begin to observe your thoughts. If it helps, visualize a person inside your skin, a scientist, if you will, with a clipboard and pen, writing down your thoughts.
At the end of the day review your thoughts. What kinds of things did you think about? Here are some suggestions: judgments about people and about yourself; other people; what is good and what is bad; who is good and who is bad; who is right, who is wrong; who is better who is worse
When you start thinking about what you think about, you begin the process of increasing self-awareness. You can make positive changes in your life when you think about what you think about.
EXERCISE: CARRY A PEN AND PAPER WITH YOU AND WRITE DOWN ALL THE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ON ANY DAY.
ACTION: START THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK
3. STOP NEEDING TO BE RIGHT
Have you ever noticed that you always have to be right? Maybe you need to be right when arguing with your partner, children, family and friends. We grow up watching others assert their righteousness, insisting on having the last word. Parents affirm their righteousness when they interact with their children, teachers affirm their righteousness when they rebuke their students. Authority figures in general tend to assert their righteousness.
However, there is another way: it is possible to allow others to be right, even if you don’t really think they are. I’m not talking about letting people jeopardize their safety or the safety of others. In day-to-day interactions, however, we inconvenience ourselves unnecessarily by insisting on being right. Heated discussions can be interrupted when we realize that our power lies in something much deeper than a victory in a petty argument.
HOMEWORK: ASK YOURSELF: WHAT DO I NEED TO BE RIGHT ABOUT?
ACTION: ALLOW OTHERS TO HAVE THE REASON FOR A CHANGE
4. THE INNER CRITICISM
The inner critic may also be called “negative self-talk,” the “talker,” or the “negative self-talk.” Some people call it ‘radio me’!
The inner critic is that voice that starts the moment we wake up in the morning and only goes out when we fall asleep. We all have the inner critic (yes, even you!), and for the most part it governs our beliefs, our actions, and the quality of our relationships.
Practice changing the statements of inner critics. It is possible to learn to “flip” negative statements so that, for example, “I can’t” becomes “I can” or “I will do my best.” The opposite of the inner critic is the cheerleader. You are your first cheerleader. Buck up.
EXERCISE: FOR A DAY TAKE NOTE OF THE KINDS OF THINGS YOUR INNER CRITICIST SAYS TO YOU.
ACTION: BE AWARE OF YOUR INNER CRITICIAN AND THE KINDS OF THINGS YOU SAY
5. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
What are you not responsible for? Perhaps you are resisting the possibility of not taking responsibility for something. We live in a culture where we constantly look outside ourselves for a place to blame. Whenever something goes wrong, we look for a scapegoat. How often have you blamed the bus for being late for work instead of accepting that you chose not to leave early to allow traffic? How often have you blamed your memory for not keeping your word when what really happened was that you did nothing to make sure you remembered your commitment?
It’s no wonder we blame other people or things: taking responsibility for everything that happens in our lives puts us in the driver’s seat, and just as you wouldn’t blame the passenger for what happens in your car, when you’re the driver cannot blame anything or anyone for what happens in his life. This realization takes some getting used to. What are the implications of knowing that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life? It’s great when we think of all the wonderful things we’ve done, but what about the not so wonderful things?
EXERCISE: MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE NOT TAKING ACCOUNT FOR. THIS MAY BE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE, YOUR WORK, YOUR HEALTH OR YOUR BELIEFS
ACTION: SEE WHAT YOU CAN START TAKING ACCOUNT FOR
6. INTERNAL BARRIERS
We can look outside of ourselves for the answers to why things don’t go our way: why we didn’t get the job of our dreams, the husband or wife of our dreams, the promotion we wanted. We can look outside for the answers to why we were treated unfairly, denied our rights, or subjected to disadvantage. There is no doubt that we are all subject to the effects of external barriers: people, conditions, rules and regulations, lack of money, lack of education. It is rare for us, however, to examine internal barriers, those we ourselves erect and allow to keep us from living our best lives.
Examples of internal barriers are: lack of self-confidence; creeping inner critic; entrenched beliefs; low self-esteem; not taking responsibility for your life; angel affairs; Refusal to let go of past events.
Most external barriers can be overcome when we make a conscious decision to look for internal barriers that allow them to rule our lives.
EXERCISE: ASK YOURSELF THE QUESTION: CAN THE EXTERNAL BARRIERS I FACE BACK BACK TO MY INTERNAL BARRIERS?
ACTION: LOOK AT YOUR INTERNAL BARRIERS
Spend some time looking at the 6 areas above. When you can address them, you’ll be well on your way to greater self-awareness.
Make your luck!