5 movies that try really hard and still end up being terrible
Legal LawHere are five movies that try but fail, thus qualifying as terrible for the effort.
Napoleon Dynamite – 1 star (terrible)
Napoleon Dynamite is a nerd in high school trying to find meaning in his life amidst a cast of almost totally dysfunctional people. From what I could see, there was exactly one normal person in the movie.
This film relies on a bit of cheesy humor to carry it forward, but it lacks a central writing flaw to win any shred of competition: the film’s central character (Napoleon Dynamite, played by Jon Heder) is a nerd who just doesn’t He is sympathetic.
The only honest psychological reaction in the film is the standing ovation at the end, after Napoleon’s parody dance. I wouldn’t pay to see this movie again, and I’m not a better person for having seen it.
Incredibly, Napoleon Dynamite actually won some lightweight honors, including Best Comedy from the Golden Trailer Awards, Best Picture from the MTV Movie Awards, and three nominations for Movie Dance Scene, Movie Hissy Fit, and Comedy from the Teen Choice Awards (I mean Does anyone else have a Hissy Fit award?).
The Academy and its Oscars (which really matter) ignored this film as if it were a moral code (in other words, as if it had never been made).
Napoleon Dynamite is a “cult” movie and is still very popular with young people; older people like me are hardly impressed.
I think the main problem with this movie is that we find Jared Hess, the director, who also shares the writing credits (if they can be called that) with Jerusha Hess (I guess it’s a relationship). When directors become writers and writers become directors, the results are rarely good, as demonstrated here.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico – 1 Star (Terrible)
An All Star cast of Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp and Salma Hayek fails to deliver in Once upon a time in Mexico. Only one word can describe this sorry attempt at a movie: terrible, just terrible.
These stars were sucked into this one as it has a bad script, bad direction, bad production, bad makeup, and pointless fight scenes. It makes me sick just thinking about how disappointing it was.
Oh, did I mention that the director of this fiasco, Robert Rodriguez, also removed the writing credits on this movie and scrapped the movie in the process (perhaps he thought he was on his way to winning Oscars for both efforts; the Academy thought so). contrary). Awards for this effort: nothing.
Notebook, The – 1 Star (Terrible)
The Notebook is a classic relationship drama. A rich girl has a youthful affair with a poor boy. Her parents try to break up her relationship and she must decide to follow her heart or follow her family and her wealth. She later makes the right decision and, when she is much older, she suffers from dementia.
The focus of the story is here, at her worst, with her husband reading to her from a notebook, hoping for a miracle that will return her faculties to normal. This movie has a beautiful, peaceful, beautiful opening sunset scene that is gripping and remains in my mind as the best part of the movie.
Notebook never has a chance to become a good movie due to lousy sound management; there are too many key moments in the movie where you just can’t hear the sound, and this is inexcusable in such emotional turmoil.
Normally, when my remote’s sound key is set to 7, it’s loud in my house. There are parts in this movie where I had to click through 23 to hear, and even then it was muffled because the actors had bad diction. A competent movie production team would never have released this movie without fixing the volume and quality of the movie’s soundtrack. It’s a shame, the movie had potential but it will never see the light of day.
Notebook came with a believable cast of James Garner, Gena Rowlands, and Rachel McAdams, and won no less than 8 Teen Choice Awards (not Oscars), which wasn’t enough to propel it to a better result.
Of Human Bondage – 1 star (terrible)
Based on the novel by W. Somerset Maugham about a well-educated professional’s obsession with a common whore with fake morals. This film, made in 1934, stars Leslie Howard and Bette Davis, and we’re certainly thankful that cinema has come so far since then.
The Prince and the Showgirl – 1 star (Terrible)
A showgirl (Marilyn Monroe) and a stuffy prince (Laurence Olivier) work on an unlikely romance.
The Prince and the Showgirl, made in 1957, is best left in 1957; it was too easy to tell that some of the background scenes were paintings.
The most interesting thing about the film was the cast of Marilyn Monroe with long blonde hair (it was the beginning of her career). The famous photos of her as a glamor girl never showed her with long hair.
I only bring you these five movies so you don’t fall in love with mediocrity when you sit down to enjoy your choice of movie rental. My warning is useless, of course, if you invest in any of these films.
Copyright © 2006 Ed Bagley