How to be a good conversationalist – The art of vibrating (How to talk to girls)

04-08-2022

The art of conversation, something most men struggle with.

As a man, I know the insecurities most of us feel. We want to be recognized for our talents. We want people to think that we are interesting, intelligent, attractive, fun and funny. We want people to think we are successful. But mostly it comes down to the same thing: we want to feel significant.

But what does all this have to do with conversation?

Here’s the problem: most guys are desperate to get noticed and earn people’s credit all day long. So they’re always trying to include in the conversation details of the awesome things they’ve done, the money they’ve made, the places they’ve been, the girls they’ve slept with, the people they’ve put on his place… you. get the idea.

So it is impossible for them to vibrate.

Vibrate is where you are sharing a feeling in a conversation. It is a shared understanding of a subject, where both feel the same way. When both parties feel that the other party understands their point of view and really understands where they are coming from, a good relationship is felt and a connection emerges.

When two people feel this way about each other on a wide range of topics, this is where they have a strong and lasting friendship. When the attraction is also there, boom, that’s when you have a strong relationship.

Here’s an example of where most guys go wrong. Let’s say someone is telling you about a recent vacation:

Oh yeah, I went to Thailand recently, the beaches were amazing.

Your average guy at this point will feel a twinge of insecurity: does this person you’re talking to think he’s good because he’s been there? I’ve been to better places than that, I have to show him!

And he responds with:

Yes, those beaches are great, but you should visit Mauritius! Those beaches kick ass in Thailand!

And then the first person feels a little bad. All he wanted was to share his excitement over a recent vacation, but the average man thought it was a competition he had to win.

I may have ‘won’, but it took the mood out of the conversation.

The best way to vibrate is to share similar experiences, without competing. Validate the other person’s experience and use your own experience as a way to prove your point. So, in this way, they feel that you understand them and that you agree with them, instead of trying to beat them in an imaginary competition.

Here’s an example of a good response:

Yes, I remember going to the Maldives once, and I remember how surprised I was at the difference between the white sand beaches there and the average beaches elsewhere. There’s a feeling you get when you feel so chilled and relaxed in a place like that, it’s like your worries just float away, you know? Anyway, tell me more about the beaches in Thailand, they sound amazing.

Look what you’re doing here. You are sharing your personal experience. This does a couple of things: it shows that you understand where they’re coming from, which makes them feel more connected to you and relaxed in the conversation (the more the other person thinks ‘wow, he’s just like me,’ the more relaxed they’ll be). he will be with you.

And you’re not competing with the other person; at no point are you invalidating their experience by suggesting that yours was better. You’re comparing a shared experience to get rapport, then bringing them back into the spotlight to tell a little more about their story.

Try this technique the next time you’re in a conversation. Basic steps:

1) The person tells you something about something they did

2) You respond with a story or similar that shows you understand and have a shared experience. Don’t for a second suggest that your experience is better than theirs. It’s about sharing a vibe, remember.

3) Bring your attention back to the other person and encourage them to tell you more

This is a technique I use over and over again. Girls very often tell me ‘I feel so comfortable with you’ – this is part of the reason.

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